REDEFINING FAILURE

Failure they say can be frustrating, catastrophic, devastating, painful or hard to overcome. After falling or foundering, failure makes us doubt ourselves, question our past success like it is beginners luck and may make it harder for us to attempt at a single thing again.

Writing this piece as the year wound up, is so testing, because, I have had to take stock of the year, look at challenges faced, ask pertinent questions on why I failed and seek answers to what went wrong.

I could blame the world and everyone for one fault or the other, I could point a finger at the economy, the incompetence of vendors, the unprofessional behaviour of workers, lack of deeper knowledge of the said project, over reliance on experts etc. But, the failure will still boil down to me. It was my decision to vet and re-vet because the buck stops on my table. Yet, here I am, refusing to accept that the year was a total failure. There were lessons learnt. What then are the lessons?

I learnt that people most times need to be pushed to do their job. I learnt that, workers hush their problems a lot and find it hard to share. I learnt that, you need to monitor projects and demand accountability. I learnt that, you have to test work ethics, even if they 'contractors' are termed professionals before you commit to them. I learnt that a proper contract must define proper plans for execution, fines for breaching contract in any guise, and reward for excellence. I learnt that, friendship doesn't always translate to trust and honesty in business. I learnt that the ultimate lesson is me accepting my own fault in the failure and making certain it never happens again. I learnt that you can start again.

So, like everyone else, I am scared of trying again, I am terrified of giving this one more shot, I am so ashamed to admit I don't even want to look back at this mis-step. But you see, some dreams are way bigger than our fears, and our passion larger than our failures. So, I am giving it a shot again. I am re-strategizing, and I am conquering the coming year, and you are welcome to join me in this redefinition party, because you too can redefine your failure rather than let it redefine you..

Here's to redefining our failures.

                                                 WEAR THIS BADGE

I wear this smile to remind me of  the many frown caused by the questions, How dare you, How can you, Who do you think you are? Stay in your lane. You're just a girl.

This gait of mine ,this spring in my feet, this bounce you see,   is the response from many slouched shoulder, forlorn face, downcast heart, broken dreams and chattered vision gotten from  being reminded I'm just a dreamer and little pussy whose only assets are the 2 pieces of oranges on her chest and the cherry hole in between her legs. You're just a woman he says, stay in your lane.

This code you have etched on my psyche has become the very reason, I re-write my story. I retell my future better than my past. It's the fuel burning the fury in me, helping me draw a compass of where I'm headed, all I wanted and the Royalty I have created

This very scar has become my badge of honour, though gotten from the many pains inflicted from your whip and your venomous spittle, is now my gain to inspire others, make them fighters to break down the walls your kind have erected around them.

I will wear this memory no more with regrets, but with the pride only a warrior can muster, knowing the many oceans of tragedy that tried to drown my voice, but ended helping me find my sound.

I shall adorn this badge as an insignia of the countless battle I won, to conquer the thought of you holding me bound to  prisons of my mind. I shall fly this honour like a hero whose victory the world must sing, the crowd must cheer and the audience must applaud.

I will wear this badge so my tale become their hope, my story inspire their resolve and my triumph their waiting crown.

I shall wear this badge so someday you can become you.

TOO MUCH A WOMAN

Too intelligent to be a woman
You  worry I know too much, laugh too much, breathe too much
 Yet I'm the comfort you seek to calm you after the liquor.  
I can't be just too loud, too flashy to be a woman.
The one you want is calm, too soft and too girly to be your dame. 
If I ever show bravery in fearful choices, insisting I want a head,
You whisper and worship at my holy alter in private, but squirm around your friends
That I can't be wifed and owned, yet if I choose to be blond on sex moves, I become a bore whom you can only have to progress your fatherhood, and off you go to whore another, who guides your manliness through her debauchery.

 I can't be all so smart, too smiley and caring
Caring means I'm all just flirty, much so if I give your friends a gratuitous peck.
When i give cold shoulder, stern look and serious face,
You choose the booty call chic to host your legions.
When I aspire you just perspire,
My ambition makes yours expire
Riding hire shouldn't reduce your power.
 Climbing your hills, will require my heels.

It's not my submission you seek, cos you get it.
It's not attention you want, cos I give it.
Not looks of a peacock
Never the calm of a dove
It's the Lordship you seek to wield alone,
The whip you yearn to tear my flesh.
The fear you hope i paint on my face
 And the many dare you wish my heart will never air

I pray you my equality is not to scare
I promise you this queen your kingdom care
I vow my heart is yours to take
I swear your place is just the same
Never lower or lesser in being a man
But better and stronger in having me
Don't make me the subject of your master-doom
I'll forever worship at this love altar

I AM NOT A WRITER

Here is the thing, I’m not a writer. But, you see, the one thing that has not increased in the market yet is the cost of data. It means, gossip is cheaper to get than buying a module of Garri in the market. Don't ask me how.  I just know i can do a billion and one thing just with my data. I can watsapp one Uncle John to raise me small change for lunch and still find time to read what twitter overlords think of "I am for everybody, I belong to no one".  How can you ask my opinion on plagiarism, when the handouts I buy in school doesn't reference any source. My dear, I don't know how that plagiarism thing works too. But i can tell you how i follow some people on twitter who manage to convince me that voting a particular party in the past means I know what's-up and are quick to condemn anyone who outlines the ill of the policies that are hurting the common man. well, you can say I'm not common, after all, i can still afford data to tweet.  don't be vex

Oh, Data feel like the cheapest gift for recession, considering that no one wants to go on a date no more, but we can have virtual sex. don't look at me like that. If we have to go out, it means burning fuel, say you have a movie date, you pay for the tickets, then you buy pop corn and soda, oh, let's say the chic is nice you spend cash just like that. if she were to be a little mean, you will have to worry about take away packs and a little something for her friends or siblings. so you see, Data makes sex easy, cheaper and accessible. that my dear is the awoof from data.

Among the many cheap things my Data can afford me is LIB. you see, you want to stay in touch with your youthful self, one has to keep up with trend and happenings among celebrity because we all aspire to be one someday. though a few will become it by being twitter overlord, while some will get there by being anti-GEJ or pro whatever, a few of us.. well, we just get there by wishing it. so, since we can't pay for DSTV subscription to keep up with the Kardashians, we will follow LIB to know who broke up with who, and who wore what, so when we talk about those fashion and divorce stories with our friends, we will sound posh and well informed, they will think Khloe is our personal friend from the gist we share. never minding that some of us have never seen the interior of a plane before. my dear, its cheap to own a data,data makes you sound intelligent. yes, our young ones don't want to know who won the Cowbellpeadia,, oh, that's so boring. we want to know, who the judge on project fame is, how many people made it to the finals of THE VIOCE, haaa. its not like the Nigerian economy is not bad, its just that you have to know these things, how else can you talk about change, if you don't tune in to Channels once a while and listen to more insult form the spokes person of each party? data is affordable, if you don't see it on channels, just follow the thread on twitter, there will be a hash tag to let you know what burning issue is up, from reading the long thread you can give yourself an ankle sprain by jumping into conclusion. Never minding that these people you defend, don't even care you exist. It’s alright, data price is still constant, cos’ you can avoid going to church on Sunday, twitter ministries is functioning perfectly, you can know the sermon of the day by checking one of your Church member's tweet, if you want a fresh anointing, just follow any of the twitter end time church, they will give a fresh wisdom, that will make this recession feel like a joke. they will speak to your week, command your day and bring forth your month unto greatness. Sunday worship on twitter has never been better. forget that you were in the club all through Saturday night, don't get ticked that, the girl you shagged last night if your fiancée’s sister, a fresh anointing from the tweet has a way of making twitter worship holy. my dear, DATA is still cheap. how else could you have been able to save you offering and transportation fare if twitter doesn't give you a chance to cheaper worship.

my data also affords me a chance to see things i would normally not here or know about, like this competition I’m applying for. i get a chance to write, at least it relieves me of the many worries of Nigeria economic recession and whores. i just type away, talk about politician, curse out rapist and even join any hash tag i may or may not understand. no complaint there. I am not a writer.

RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW

I expect nothing short of excellence from myself daily.
Tomorrow was a today, delayed yesterday. 

There was a yesterday when all we thought of was what we will become tomorrow, how we will buy ourselves the finest of cars, further our education, be a better us and all. Yet we all live in a today and never do anything to fulfil the promises we made yesterday.

So here is the catch, you are here now. you have a today, use it. We have no control over tomorrow, don't sweat it. You probably think you need a pay raise before you can start saving or investing, there is no such thing as a raise to save. It's a habit you have  to cultivate, you must culture your mind to do them with what you already earn. If you have not started, even with the pay raise, it will still be hard to save or invest.

Mostimes, lack of discipline makes one spend more even with the pay raise. so start here, right now. for all the times you dreams, have an actionable plan, start with what you have, be who you have always dreamt of today. Take step that leads you closer to your goals, stop waiting for a tomorrow, start you tomorrow today. make everything you do today geared towards your tomorrow

Tomorrow only comes, when we start doing today. if you want to be the greatest dad, mum or best actor, writer, inventor or any great somebody tomorrow, you have to start right here, right now.

CHURCH THERAPY

welcome to the spiritual asylum

where healing sells for all ailment
treatable or not
where annoiting oil are purchased to cleanse the husband of promiscuity and prevent the wife from going insane due to her husband's cheating and lying lifestyle. This special shelter where holy water cures you of all diseases, mental, social and veneral diseases.

This one shop where the cassock guy is the psychologist who knows to councel for turbulent marriage, even though he has never been engaged and his vows might never let him, yet, if he where, his, is a cosmetic marital bliss that must perform for the camera,  match make for ageing spinters, not forgetting to give birth plan for women termed barren, since fertilty doctors never have the solution to your being unproductive.

Is it the white handkerchief that has refused to make that sickle cell child  genotype become an AA? Why does this therapy alleviate the suffering of the politicians, inflate the ego of the nouveaux rich whose source of wealth is corruption, yet the poors tithe and offering maketh only the man of God wealthier?

Oh, maybe the sessions during weekday service,proscribed a certain treatment, fasting and seeding, and you were too weak to foĺlow through. since ulcer has never been nice to you. and your meagre salary has so many mouths to cater to, that's why you are still in the rat race Bro. Less i forget, that special pamphlet you bought, which was blessed by the man of God, will finally make your aged mother confess how she nailed your destiny to the coffin, it doesn't matter that been senile could be signs of Alzheimer, dementia or other ageing related ailment. Nah, it must be God punishing her for tying your wife's womb and locking your sister forever in spinterhood, but it's ok. She will eventually get tired of the verbal abuse and confess, so she can have her peace. Better still, she will die for your destiny to ressurect, that is what mothers do for their children.

Let me not spoil the fun. there was testimony of how sister Nkechi survived A motor accident from our blood sucking demons on our nicely tarred highway. She left out the part where the driver was drunk before the journey began, she didn't tell you also, how no one complained about the overloaded vehicle, since it's a normal occurance in Nigeira. How about the road safety agents they gave N200 on the road so they can pass without much fuss? And our ready and equiped emergency medical response team who where there to save other accident victim.you know those i mean. the ones who search the pockets of dying victims for fast cash,those medical guy that move already broken bones about, trying to get you out of the car thereby fracturing your already broken rib and spine the more, after all they are sympatisers, lack of first aid knowledge should not be a deterrant. Common,your pastor's prayer delivered you from occult spirit occupying the road. since pot holes are nice to our new cars, been a tokunbo doesn't reduce its efficiency. And hey! all those contracts awarded to fix the road,create more lanes wouldn't have solved or reduced road accidents, neither will drivers going to a training school help, after all, all those diverted fund will pay some tithes and seed or mortgage a contractor's own death through the all powerful prayers of the prophet. It was just all the miracle in your pastor's prayer.

 Let me add, your unintelligent children need divine help, not more quality study time. No please, take them to the mountain where special prayers treat their depression. If someone ever suggest you meet an academic counselor to guide them in career choice or help monitor why they bahave the way they do, attribute it to your enemies of progress. I am not saying bullying in schools are not real, as a matter of fact it's not possbile that teenage complex could be a thing she is dealing with, How can it be? When your enemies can fall down and die, never to find that child acting out abnormally again. If she as much as score a D in her exam. you must intensify the vigil, you don't need to find reasonale solutuions, be it increasing your study time, paying attention to their emotional needs and helping them find other source of knowledge they enjoy. Your God must deliver you, so, your Bishop therapist has procliamed from the alter.

Let's tone it down a bit. When was the last time you exercised? Haaa! "daily nah" you do it singing and dancing, jumping and screaming while praying and praising. Was that not part of the therapy the doctor pastor recommended? It's fine even if the noise keeps other neighbors awake, you need to send evil spirit in your neighborhood parking. If peace cost them their health, that is how you know witches, they must move out to a more serene environment for you.  If they suffer from insomnia, it is more because marine spirit disturb their nights, your prayers and loud music doesn't aggravate it, it only expose their nocturnal activities. Oh I'm not suggesting your worship centers be sound proof and your theatrics be contained. No, please your God is deaf and very much blind, that he can't hear or see this drama unless it's loud enough. While there be hospitals around you and schools where students need to concentrate and sick folks get a quiet space, make your mid day service louder and your megaphone bigger. You are doing us all a favour by seeking your God at his productive hour on everyone else's behalf.  Praying off their sicknesses and unsettling the students ignorace is how great nations are built.

Let me not belabor you with my not so intelligent rambling. you see, whatever your daddy G.O has said has the ultimate say. Any other rational and logical solution will be a "touch not my annointed" matter.
while we finally wait for the church goers to take on our pbulic offices, because the ones there right now are atheist, ( that's why Nigeria is not progressing) to change our messed up institutions, revamp our ailing economy. let me and i'm not so sure wannabe atheist go and find a bible believing church to heal me of my NCD (Not Church Disorder) pshycho
someone recommend a God of man. because I can't afford the cost of a man of God.

CONTINENTAL LOVE

I will tell you about this distant emotions

budding from continents untold

shading my heart dancing in motions

with beauty only my soul can feel

though, we are worlds apart

yet I feel so close in your space and measure

this beat you pound in my heart

I will dance to

let me tell you about that one touch

that has flushed my cheeks with smile

wishing my legs could pull apart

as our distance knows no bound

this love that has defied tongue and language

taking a voyage across the lakes

soaring above time zones and hills 
only us can see

allow me moan about the pillow talk

that pillow we both built in hush wishes,

gentle longings, that our bodies dream, 

panting for your eyes to pierce through

 beautiful boobs.

wanting the feel of your European lips

glazzed in the Asian meal you devour

upon my feminine garden made by Mama Africa

Just listen to my longing tale

of how of you made time froze

only to bring me the mood of the continent

where the love that never sleeps make the sun rise

seeping the coolness of your affection through my bones

running this fire through my spine

oh dear one from afar, 

the world needs to hear how you make me

soar far beyond the land of cupid

my only rue is this distance left for contact

yet ill love you still till the world fades

BECOMING ME

Blend in, don’t stand out, I want to be like “them”

It’s how you don't get a label or tag

it's the way not to be “them” and loose your place

"Them" those from the far away land

Wandering beyond their reach for breech

Searching for bread and gold to feed

so a hero's home coming might  sound their gong.

Bet they tag you still

The one who feast on stones without gulping drink

My ilk tell me they are the ones

With oil running soup

They love me when I act like them

They jeer when I become my own

Yet my own feel I’m not kin enough

That I lack the brute to bash and brash

the sleek skin and glitz to glide my trough.

Still across the Niger, home doesn't feel like home

The best i get is a museum cheer

Like a dainty doll they stroke and coo

My complexion a wonder, my dress a blunder

This doll whose ways is not our rule

Whose walk like rebel may not be tamed

I long to echo them, but sound like another bell.

My identity was formed from the Babel sounds

 I hear image of loudness and uncouth talk

I tasted a sort from my native sand

But fell short of their custom 'cos I smelt of those from hither land

Not having the accent from nwa'ani

Too free to be us, to open to become us

Never fed in our ways so can't walk our path.

Do they know I bask in news of them?

Dancing when they break new strides

Sad when i feel them broken

I’m fast to defend their stance and depth

Easily tilted to their want, yet trying hard to be those ones

Even my silence is heard amigst those others

Yet not acknowledged amongst my own.

Then came a day the mirror spoke

You are you and not their tag

Your label is what you design and sell

Show your wit and be your own

Know you daily, make you merry

You are made in all colours of them

If they ever look in those shattered mirror

They will identify their faces in all of you.

I stop chasing them, started knowing me

In knowing, i became a more loving me.

DON'T CALL ME REBEL

i was told DON'T

don't dream too much

less you be seen as overly ambitious

don't smile at all

else you be accused of debauchery

don't look too serious , you must be a hag to do that

don't have expectation as a lady

men will stay away and 

it's anathema to the African culture

and when i tried to break free from their hold

i was told, you CAN'T

you can't ever go against their rules

they will hate and scorn you for doing what they can't

you can't amount to nothing, unless they permit you

you can't make people listen to you

it's your place to shut up

you can't be fulfilled unless a man gifts you his name

you can't break new grounds, until you conform to societal dictate

you can't ask that you right be given, your thought be different, and your style not be in vogue

When i dare to be that odd one

they say you won't

you won't make us,

you won't  change us

you won't sway us

you won't entice us

we won't support you

we won't be part of this 

we won't accept this taboo

when i chose this part, it wasn't so i could  make them, change them, sway them or entice them.

it was only so i could be free of their chains.

just so i could be less them and more me

To make a dream

When you have a burning desire to make something,  fulfill a thing or just grant a wish.  You must realize everyone has their role to play in that dream of yours.  Some might be there to  critic your dream,  some are there to make a seemingly small dream become bigger,  yet some to make it smaller.  A few folks will walk the talk with you. Among your  friends,  you will find those who don't understand it. Even your family will have those who can't make time for your dreams. But along the way, you will find strangers who love your idea, are willing to help and may give all to make your dream come true. 

However, you need to learn that everyone you meet along the road has a role to play. Some important and some not so important. Yet they all contribute in making or marring your dream.  When we find friends who are not willing to create time for our dreams, does that mean we should  hate them?  Not everyone is suppose to give their time to building your dream, not all you speak with, will go all the way in inspiring you. You must understand that even the naysayers have a lesson in their answers. Maybe it is so you can fine tune your  prospect  or restrategize or even close the chapter entirely. We should also bear in mind that, the utmost ability to make people key into our vision lies with us. Some may key in when it is intangible, some others will get involved only  if they can quantify the gain. While for a few,  it is solely for adding value.  That does not make your dream any less than you wish.  No one can see a dream better than the dreamer, neither can anyone have a clearer blueprint of a vision brighter than the visioner.  We should learn to shoulder our dreams, and not berate those who may not take to catching on quickly with us. Just know their own purpose for that dream is simply what they are acting out. We cant throw our hands up in despair because others can't see what we see.  The question is,  whose dream is it? Yours or theirs?  Whoever said it was going to be an easy ride? Who mentioned it will be like a walk in the park?  For all those you celebrate in public, you need to see how much of time, talent and more they invested in private before getting to the level of public acceptance.  It takes more than sweat to make a dream come true.  Like a pregnant woman. She carries her baby for 9 months, she knows it has to be 9months, yet before its full term she longs for the delivery so bad, should the delivery come as pre-term she gets agitated. Yet she wants the delivery to come sooner. 

All dreams must go through its full term. While it may be uncomfortable, enjoy the process.  Though,  it may feel tough to beat, learn each lesson. If people do not get it.  You as the dreamer must get it.

Go on and dream on. The world is yours to conquer.

By- Adaeze C Nwankwo

The space in-between

From the hellos
Where the pounding of my heart
Scares me crazy
Where the thought of you ripples in my being
When you call my name and say
I am the one
You added 5 seconds to my breath
With your smile that unburdens a frozen rock
Until your goodbye bid my heart a stop

From the dream that makes my night comes alive
Waking the morrow i dare and fear
Sometimes a day-mare from waiting the night tale
Causing falls louder than a giants
Baring seeds only my mind can fertilize
Until that fruit a feast we share

From the cradle where i stutter to form sounds
On fours weakness thrust me ahead
Grinning when obstacles i conquer
Hoping my protector make the fall easier
A triumph of walk, a moment of good
Until myself a being become

From the question
Challenging all truth, flat space
Thousand planet found in unknown quest
Through search endured from smirk and jeers
A lonely truth that must rise as sun
Hidden under darker nights
Shades of horror and misty dawn
Until the breaking no dusk can stand

From me,  shaped by my will and brute
Molded through fables and reality of old and new
Identity of race sploushed through skin and grit
Formed from self and all of you
Your ways i conquer,  your conscience i reflect
Until in all souls, dash of me found in you

A Mother

A Alone with a child

M Musing and asking Chukwuabiamiri

O Of what to do to sustain

T This little human being who

H Has no teeth to feed him/herself

E Even if Mother can afford any food

R Right now in this unsettling time of want.

Only a mother can endure

The baggage of a child

Who from Chukwuabiamiri

Comes entirely handicapped

Depending on no one else

But a creative mother

Who, like Chukwu abiamiri,

Makes things happen

Out of nothing.

A Mother!

By - Gerald Nwankwo

BIRD

I am a bird frail and weak

Hovering between two worlds and hanging still

Drained of breath, life taking its twirl dance

Death staring and doing its rituals

Breath my prized asset, slowly travelling in gasps

I’m the wounded lion

Pride evaporates through the mist and quenches my courage

Fear is ignited like the nights wind

Blazing, tossing, turning, awakening my demons buried

Deep in the darkest part of my soul

Gnawing through my heart and struggling to showcase

I am the lone wolf

Trailing the path dreaded without knowledge

Overshadowed, lost, blocked nostrils

Stuck, struggling through the thorns

Choking on my own tears, anxiety driving forth

Like a cheetah cheating chewing and churning

I am my reflection

An image I refuse to see

My shadow hovers still, what I want to be

Twirling in the well of sorrows

Travelling in the tunnel of regrets

The rescued slave of perception

My slit wrists, bulging eyes and slim frame

My rescuer sits still, eyes not blinking, lips still

A hateful smirk full of love in white powder to save me

Pupils shut, ascending into cloud nine

While I journey in the bridge between life and death

High into the clouds

Soaring like the lost bird

By- Mimi-Obi

MAKING UP

Making up involves two entities; it means two persons may have been at war with each other, it also connotes the act of coming to an agreement for reconciliation. There are however actions that go beyond reconciliation that we do not make effort to look out for. Being silent do not necessarily mean peace in itself, whatever it takes to make peace must be such that parties involved appreciate the essence of such.

Making up must come from within, there should be a conviction of forgiving oneself first before aspiring to forgive others or seek for same. Accepting ones own fault is very key, and delivering a very simple and yet convincing apology will do. We must act to heal all wounds by addressing hurts, swift reparation must be made to reduce the impact of our actions on others. we must seek what will benefit both involved in other not to leave the scene feeling cheated, the win win mentality should in be place, that way everybody wins, the rule should be no winner no vanquish.

How then do we set the tone for making up? We must first seek to understand as to be understood. We must desire to have a true stand of what went wrong and seek to make them right. We must also give everyone time to get over what happened believing time will heal all wounds. We must not allow self importance to rule our deliberation and actions. Rather, we must know that offering a hand of peace is only a step towards peace and not peace in itself.  When we give the other party time to think through what you offer, it helps them see the importance of what you offer, and are willing to shift ground in a sensible way.

Mutual Understanding helps to soften the grounds for settlement. It also helps in speeding up reconciliation. The effort we make should be such that we desire a genuine make up and not a make over sort, we should also make certain to be clear on what we hope to achieve in making up so as to enable the other party consider us in the light of what our ideals are. We must not necessarily forgive in the hope of being forgiven in return; rather, we must forgive because the other party deserves to be forgiven. Our response to other people’s need should not be forceful, it should not be pretentious, It must convey what and how we truly feel. it should be an expression of ourselves, it must be able to represent what truly lies within us. Giving room even for error, but should be easily amended when pointed out.

Making up must be an integral part of our existence. Because our actions are error bound, but subject to change, we must be willing to resolve issues amicably, and where there are frictions, we make amendments. For us to co-exist we must seek a deeper understanding of ourselves, and work to strengthen our relationship, make it worth the while. In other for us to achieve real peace.

this article first appeared on. The Rock newspaper. (youth on track)