I AM NOT A WRITER

Here is the thing, I’m not a writer. But, you see, the one thing that has not increased in the market yet is the cost of data. It means, gossip is cheaper to get than buying a module of Garri in the market. Don't ask me how.  I just know i can do a billion and one thing just with my data. I can watsapp one Uncle John to raise me small change for lunch and still find time to read what twitter overlords think of "I am for everybody, I belong to no one".  How can you ask my opinion on plagiarism, when the handouts I buy in school doesn't reference any source. My dear, I don't know how that plagiarism thing works too. But i can tell you how i follow some people on twitter who manage to convince me that voting a particular party in the past means I know what's-up and are quick to condemn anyone who outlines the ill of the policies that are hurting the common man. well, you can say I'm not common, after all, i can still afford data to tweet.  don't be vex

Oh, Data feel like the cheapest gift for recession, considering that no one wants to go on a date no more, but we can have virtual sex. don't look at me like that. If we have to go out, it means burning fuel, say you have a movie date, you pay for the tickets, then you buy pop corn and soda, oh, let's say the chic is nice you spend cash just like that. if she were to be a little mean, you will have to worry about take away packs and a little something for her friends or siblings. so you see, Data makes sex easy, cheaper and accessible. that my dear is the awoof from data.

Among the many cheap things my Data can afford me is LIB. you see, you want to stay in touch with your youthful self, one has to keep up with trend and happenings among celebrity because we all aspire to be one someday. though a few will become it by being twitter overlord, while some will get there by being anti-GEJ or pro whatever, a few of us.. well, we just get there by wishing it. so, since we can't pay for DSTV subscription to keep up with the Kardashians, we will follow LIB to know who broke up with who, and who wore what, so when we talk about those fashion and divorce stories with our friends, we will sound posh and well informed, they will think Khloe is our personal friend from the gist we share. never minding that some of us have never seen the interior of a plane before. my dear, its cheap to own a data,data makes you sound intelligent. yes, our young ones don't want to know who won the Cowbellpeadia,, oh, that's so boring. we want to know, who the judge on project fame is, how many people made it to the finals of THE VIOCE, haaa. its not like the Nigerian economy is not bad, its just that you have to know these things, how else can you talk about change, if you don't tune in to Channels once a while and listen to more insult form the spokes person of each party? data is affordable, if you don't see it on channels, just follow the thread on twitter, there will be a hash tag to let you know what burning issue is up, from reading the long thread you can give yourself an ankle sprain by jumping into conclusion. Never minding that these people you defend, don't even care you exist. It’s alright, data price is still constant, cos’ you can avoid going to church on Sunday, twitter ministries is functioning perfectly, you can know the sermon of the day by checking one of your Church member's tweet, if you want a fresh anointing, just follow any of the twitter end time church, they will give a fresh wisdom, that will make this recession feel like a joke. they will speak to your week, command your day and bring forth your month unto greatness. Sunday worship on twitter has never been better. forget that you were in the club all through Saturday night, don't get ticked that, the girl you shagged last night if your fiancée’s sister, a fresh anointing from the tweet has a way of making twitter worship holy. my dear, DATA is still cheap. how else could you have been able to save you offering and transportation fare if twitter doesn't give you a chance to cheaper worship.

my data also affords me a chance to see things i would normally not here or know about, like this competition I’m applying for. i get a chance to write, at least it relieves me of the many worries of Nigeria economic recession and whores. i just type away, talk about politician, curse out rapist and even join any hash tag i may or may not understand. no complaint there. I am not a writer.