SOME LOVE LANGUAGE ARE ACQUIRED.

Some of us may remain at the space of what we grow up to understand love to be. Many people equate love with angry burst at their partners because they see their parents go at each other’s throat often. Some have come to understand love to mean something you offer from a distance as most have only seen their father be available when he requires his own need to be catered to. For such people, they don’t see being the one who have to make sacrifice as important, for them, sacrifice is something that is expected of the other party, so when they feel overwhelmed by their significant other wanting attention and care, they up and leave. When they see their children struggling with health and emotions, they disappear. These kinds of adult grow up thinking it’s not up to them to be the one who give love.

On the other hand, there are those who have come to accept that love is about just getting money from their spouse, it’s about how much their partner is willing to spend on them. When he’s broke and unable to provide they feel unloved and unwanted. In addition, there are ones whose love language is to spend money, just concentrate on buying and spending in their relationship so much that if their love interest rejects their gift it becomes a pain to cure, for them lent can buy love is a mantra to live by, they feel like the rejection of their monetary gift is a rejection of themselves, this sometimes can be hard for them to understand especially if their partners love language is quality attention or physical presence or touch. So they might find it hard to be present, without inserting a gift that can be weighed in its financial cost.

History of how most people have come to accept what love means to them is often steeped in their upbringing. Mostly from watching their parents show affection either by way of giving, listening, being available be it emotionally or physically, or just by doing, helping around the house or just getting things down together. As children, we pick these nit bits about how to respond or how not to answer to love. So as adults because we’ve seen our parents go through their own circle of what love is, we in turn demand that our partners do same with us, we look to them to continue the circle of love we have come to grow up with, we become blind to our own partners unique demand, we let our past prejudice us into believing the others don’t care for wanting a different kind of expression from what we are willing to offer. So we fight. We reign in the chaos to affirm our authority, and insist our knowledge of how love should be given or received is better than what our love interest think or feel.

Photograp by @NAC

What we don’t look at trying is create our own pattern. We often don’t see how sometimes our love language might not be wholesome and how it may not even be serving us as a person how much more serving our lover. It’s why therapy helps and open communication is important, as this allows both party to see through each others experience and help the couple forge a new way to make sure our language is better understood, reconstruct if need be, and solidified when necessary. Sometimes, all that is required of each other is to adjust expectations, shift focus to what the other person is doing right and give less attention to what the person might be getting wrong.

Working around a different love language from what we are used to accepting can be frustrating for some people, taking time to accept that our own love language is abusive can be inundating for a lot of couples. It’s like tearing the very foundation of their existence, for some it feels like you’re questioning their being and their essence. Some will fight to keep the status quo, many we withdraw from receiving love or showing love, while some others will put in the work to refine themselves and find a middle ground just to make things work.

This is were emotional maturity comes in. Many grow from their experience, and use their past love to form a different language with the person they are with. It could be making a whole 180 degree turn from what they are used to. This could mean being present in the now, showing up for special events, writing a love letter, taking a walk around the park with your lover, holding and touching your partner, giving a helping around the house, listening to them, making effort to make them

happy, buying gifts or just saying I LOVE YOU. The list is endless.

Photo by @NAC

However, not many people will be able to recognize when to stop hanging on to a different love language they grow up seeing and accept to form a new one. This shouldn’t discourage us from trying to show love anyways, caring about people whose love language doesn’t match ours is allowed except when their love language hurts us and those who are reliant on us. Like having a partner who leaves home whenever things get hard leaving you to handle your pain alone, or one who refuses to show concern about your emotional needs and deliberately starve you of communication and not caring about your happiness. We must know when to try and make things better, when fixing something shows signs of positive response and when making things right is dead in itself because the other person has chosen a path to hurting us badly. We must try to understand each other, make effort to learn one another’s love language, put in the work to tweak ours too to fit the others style and need, but what we must not do is remain with someone whose love language endangers us or others dear to us. Much as we must try to be supportive and understanding of others people’s interest, we must be able to glean from other’s experience in deciding what is a healthy love language to stick around for, or the one not to bother fixing.

• [x] When we learn to unlearn and relearn our own love language, it opens our mind into understanding others and showing them love in ways that fits them perfectly. We must remember some people love in all of the signs they see and have experienced, while some just love in one singular way. Knowing is multiple love language is the style of your partner will help you in exploring what ways to keep them happy and satisfied.

For more stories you can follow me on medium adaezenwakwo5

LOVING THE UNLOVED

I once loved a man who didn’t know how to love himself. So I loved him hard hoping it will help him heal. He was so abusive and dismissive of my feelings. He constantly tried to make light of my demand for him to seek help as me being too obsessed with him, and yeaa, I was, in a dumb sort of way. I felt caring for him was my responsibility, I thought it was my duty to make him see himself better and worthy of a healthy lifestyle. So I accepted his dismissive attitude, I let him treat me like trash and constantly make excuse for his bad attitude. I tell myself, all I needed to do was show him more, I needed to let him see me better for who I am, it doesn’t matter that he took another girl to a party he promised we would attend together and kept me dressed up all night waiting for him. Sadly enough, I didn’t even recognize his behavior as abusive, I never saw him as controlling. I thought I was the one who had too much expectation of him, to make up for that, I told myself to reduce my standard, to shrink myself, to act small around him and accept his shabby treatment of me.

When he chooses to starve me off communication, I suffered, yet kept hoping he would see me, notice me and be back again. Yes, he always does that, he comes back wanting nothing but sex, making me feel like he was fine just so he can be back to me for his salvation. So I look forward to his return, I make myself ready for his journey back to me, I had come to believe his philandering character was not so bad, so long as he keeps coming back to me to mend him. What I never knew was that mess is how he seeks me to abuse as same with every girls. He feeds into the emotional side of me seeking to help him. He displays self pity and emotionally blackmail me to accept him again and again. He would riddle me about his incline to suicide, how I’m the light he needs to recover from his darkness, he makes me feel like his breath is dependent upon my own misery and my wanting of him even when all I wanted to do was not be disturbed by him anymore. Like every empath, we love to see the good in others, we aim to please and work extra hard to sacrifice our happiness for people. So we glory in our suffering for love. We convince ourselves that our pain is for the greater good of our significant other. So we endure, and when we think we can no longer continue to affirm their pain, we get overwhelmed in shame and regret. We become too ashamed to seek help, our remorse is never enough to let us flee. We become so engulfed with the societal humiliation that we refuse to leave. It gets worse, he keeps humiliating us, now he has power over us, he knows we can’t leave, because we are too ashamed to leave. So we stay. We stay hoping that one day we will get the courage to leave. But you see, leaving is not the hard part, making sure we don’t go back to the past is the hardest, following through with our resolve not to go back is the toughest thing some of us have ever made.

I had to learn how to find my truth, teaching myself that I matter and finding ways to choose myself. I searched online for ways to cope and deal with pain from love. I wasn’t sure of what exactly I was looking for, I knew I wanted to end the relationship, but I wasn’t sure how to make sure it stays ended. I needed to be able to look this manipulator in the eye and tell him exactly what he was, I needed my resolve to reclaim my space, both physically and emotionally. It meant being firm when he shows up at my crib, it means not giving him audience when in public places where I run into him, it means finding zero interest in his affairs and not wanting to be his psychiatrist when he’s seeking who to vent to. It was hard, the journey was slow, but I was bent on crawling out of that hell hole, no matter how deep it felt. I knew I needed to breathe some fresh air, because the one I was inhaling was choking me. I needed my win salvation and I read all I could from people who had gone through the same thing like I did to get it. So I practiced shutting off the world, it helped me concentrate on my self, it taught me to listen to my need. I was able to teach my mind to accept my truth, that I’m loving and deserving of people who raise me and not pulling me down emotionally. I taught myself to accept that it’s the users fault that I fail at finding balance and not mine for not seeing through their antics. But I accepted the role I played in that too, for making my time available for users, for being easily accessible to them. So I learnt to fill my time with positive works and thoughts, I volunteered my time more, I made sure to be more useful to people who needed to be productive, the more I gave myself to young people, the easier it got for me learn to love me. In loving myself, I was able to learn to choose me.

You see, some of us get lucky, some not so lucky, a few people, hmn, they make it. I was one of those that made it. I followed through with my resolve to never walk back that dark lane ever again. So with each new day, it got better, with each communication, it got easier to let him go. As hours turns into days, and days into weeks. With weeks becoming months. Freedom was achieved. What was more exciting is that i don’t even hate him. He just look rather irritating to me, His antics to get back in my good books(bed) only got more puerile and offensive to my person. That’s when I knew I had heal. I couldn’t hate him, instead I felt repulsion, disgust for the trash I hung on to. Glad that I could be finally free from emotions for him. I don’t pity his loss, I don’t even care about it. I’m just glad I’m in a better place.

You can follow for more stories on medium @adaezenwankwo5

NO is a valid answer too

There’s been so much uproar concerning ladies who either ignore dms from men or are entirely rude, or the ones who call out men that send messages to their inbox. Some argue that most women can’t hold a conversation which explains why they would rather ignore a chat or simply give a short reply.

The reason is unknown.

But here is the thing, maybe giving attention to people seeking their time and space is the least of their concern. What if these ladies are not interested and they do not even wish to converse with the person in question? Do we even think of the number of dms they have to reply to, and how tiring it can be for most of them when all they want to do online is chat, enjoy banters and read up on trends?

Why do we feel entitled to another human’s time and space even when they are clearly not interested in sharing their resource with you? Why does their silence or no response cause you worry and lead to an attack on their ability to hold a conversation or not? Why do you think someone who isn’t keen on sharing their space with us will be fine carrying any kind of discourse with you? Do you have an idea how much of her time she will have to spend doing the same, given the numbers of people testing same waters as yours? Now imagine trying to prove a point by being nice to everyone in your dm simply because you’re trying to show that you can hold a conversation, what time then do you have to go about your own life and breathe for you? To please all, a lady would have to ignore her own space just to pacify men’s ego. Just maybe silence in itself is an answer, maybe saying just no or a short answer is good enough. Just maybe, we should consider that no matter how rich your profile is and no matter how hot your drip is, a lady might just not be interested in obliging you her time, neither does she owe you an explanation as to why she can’t give her time. There are so many “maybes” to consider. Just maybe, your timing was wrong and they are too tired to follow on with your chat, or they are too focused on other goals that your dm is a distraction, just maybe, there are many of you in her dm and she really doesn’t want to have to ignore her other responsibilities just so she can placate your feelings.

The assumptions are endless.

It is high time we agreed that when we. request for a lady’s time and space, that her silence is good enough for an answer, that a short reply is just as good as a full sentence, and that people really do not owe us their time and space simply because we ask nicely. We ought to understand that no, is a full sentence, that silence in itself is an answer and that our sense of entitlement ends with ourselves only.

People are not tied to our wants and needs, they’re not created to soothe our spirit, and yes, no matter how disappointing people’s response to our request is, it is still their response. They owe us nothing, and we should simply learn to respect their space.

While we constantly seek validation from people and expect them to answer our every question about what we want from them, we must also remember that they have autonomy of self and can decide what and how to spend their resources; that includes their space and time.

We should also put in mind that you’re not the only person making unnecessary demands of their time and space.

And yes, NO is a valid answer.

This story first appeared on medium For more stories you can follow me on medium @adaezenwankwo5 

Kindly follow my editor on twitter @Kinkynaijagirl

WRITTEN BY

Adaeze Nwankwo

I’m a writer, poetry blogger, travel enthusiast, retail banker, feminist, Tv producer and photography stylist. When I’m not dancing, I like to read.

NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP? You can do this…

Sometimes, we are not just available.

You see, there are moments when, no matter how ready we feel we are or how much we desire to be in a relationship with someone, we just can’t do it. There are periods when we are just not available to love or to be loved. Just like when we loose a signal in a certain area, and we climb up to the rooftop hoping that the signal will return; sometimes we even have to keep our phone in a certain way just to make the signal stay. It could be faint or distorted, but we try to keep the signal strong or at most make it stay for us to communicate with the person at the other side for the time being.

But you see, being in a relationship can be rough and hard, and just like getting a good signal, it can be so tough that even when the slightest hope of signal shows, it could cackle either from the person at the other end or the connection from our end is not just strong enough to link up. So most of the time, we look to others to make the signal stronger, we stay fixated hoping that the other person will move so we can connect better. Maybe, just maybe we are the ones who need to move. People can connect better differently on other basis and not necessarily as lovers, sometimes what is needed is a reconnection that stems from friendship and not as lovers. Who knows? But maybe staying fixed isn’t going to make the connection stronger or remaining in the balance wishing the other person sees that we are trying hard enough might just not be the signal we need to make the connection click. We may need to disconnect totally in order for us to get a clearer signal for or from others.

Being unavailable most of the time can be the energy that we need to recharge and refuel ourselves to connect better.

Though for some others, being unavailable is their first response to either fear of past experience or the anxiety of dealing with new feelings. So we deliberately stay unconnected to others so we do no have to do the work of making new connections, we ignore our need to socialize with others and help our minds explore new things and people’s ways and ideas. We stay rooted in our past fears and allow it to control our emotions and the way we respond to signals coming from other people.

We need to ask ourselves, why we let past memories direct our lives and make a decision. if we want to stay rooted in those worries or we can tell ourselves, that the past are just memories that have reshaped us and become a part of how we are learning to love and connect in a special and better way.

While some might be slow to connect, many seek connection from places where their energy gets deflated easily. These kind of people are afraid of their own solace, they worry about being by themselves, they abhor loneliness, get worked up over solitude and self control. Instead they do so much to find connections even to signals that are unhealthy to them, which bears the same results; they get shocked and burnt over and over again. We must understand that not every connection serves us, not every spark adds glow to us, some are takers and quenchers, they bring no value, instead they zap off what you have and drain you of the little energy you’re seeking to recharge. We just need to be mindful of places and people we choose to connect with.

As with all things great, there is the bad, so acknowledging our own role in building feeble connections is as important as feeding the right people. We need to know how to make ourselves accountable for who we feed our energy and vice versa. We must learn our own ways, know how and when we are or not open to connecting with others. We should never lead people on, sucking them up of their own power and making them weak from giving their resources to us. We need to learn to fill ourselves in ways that lets us know we are available to help others, and if and when we notice we are not available emotionally. It is best we communicate this and not goad the other person on for us to keep feeding off their energy. Accept that you’re not available, tell the other party you’re not interested and allow them find a better space to share and connect their emotions to. Never be the leech feeding off other people’s energy. Be truthful to yourself and others, tell your truth and do as you would others do unto you.

This article was first published via medium.

Follow me for more stories on medium @adaezenwankwo5

This work was edited by @Kinkinaijagirl follow the handle on Twitter for tweets on wholesomeness. 

TRUE LIES

Now, I know some of us love our lies,

We embrace it like a priced cloak, 

That covers our filth.

We cherish it like a beautiful wrap cladding our nudity.

 We would rather protect our lies; believe it, till we become it.

We live it and almost forget they are what they are "lies". 

No matter how beautiful we make them look.

No matter how gorgeous we decorate this lies,

They can't erase our truth.

As you know, some of us live our truth,

We display it like clear water.

Streamed through rocks, gushed from pressure,

Watered from fresh dew, cooled at morn.

Though, our flaws may taint our beauty,

Refine our perfection. Yet, it's this un-smoothened patch,

 That tells who we are.

 No matter how hard it is to tell,

 It’s the bravery we live that never would herald a lie.

MY NAME IS..

You could be all shades of good, bad and greatness. You could still be all sides of fear, courage and weak. But what you should never be is all forms of other people's label

So many times, we are told who we are and who we should be, ever before we ever have an idea of whom we really are. So many of us will never get a chance to find ourselves by ourselves, because, we have accepted the society's definition of us. Yet, it's conflicting, it's confusing and it’s holds us back from expressing ourselves clearly. We try hard to conform into people's view of us, we struggle to wear their label, so we stay accepted or can be wanted, and find it easy to deny ourselves the one true pleasure of finding who we are and living it. We are so used to living up to other people's standard that we have come to see our true worth as substandard and so we are that guy with no name. Because we are afraid that our own view of ourselves may never be good enough. We worry that whatever we discover of ourselves might be too strong to be ignored and may make us loose the people we desperately look up to for approval, or what we discover of ourselves may push us far ahead of our time, that we worry we may incur the wrath of those we look up to. So, we forget to live, we merely survive. Actually, what we do is float through life daily hanging on to a boat when we can sail a ship. We settle for less, when we can be the best.  Telling ourselves it's the most we can achieve. Whereas, it's just a convenient truth to prevent us from discovering who we really are, helping to express ourselves in our work, deeds and actions. We focus more on being accepted and forgetting to find ourselves, define our name and take chances that can help us soar to greatness.

When people ask what our name is, we turn out answering every other name given to us by people, other than the name we should call ourselves.

 If today someone ask what your name is, pause, reflect on it, choose your answer carefully and tell them that which you would truly want to be known by, then say confidently, my name is Adaeze C Nwankwo (insert your name) and I am a poet( insert what you do).

REDEFINING FAILURE

Failure they say can be frustrating, catastrophic, devastating, painful or hard to overcome. After falling or foundering, failure makes us doubt ourselves, question our past success like it is beginners luck and may make it harder for us to attempt at a single thing again.

Writing this piece as the year wound up, is so testing, because, I have had to take stock of the year, look at challenges faced, ask pertinent questions on why I failed and seek answers to what went wrong.

I could blame the world and everyone for one fault or the other, I could point a finger at the economy, the incompetence of vendors, the unprofessional behaviour of workers, lack of deeper knowledge of the said project, over reliance on experts etc. But, the failure will still boil down to me. It was my decision to vet and re-vet because the buck stops on my table. Yet, here I am, refusing to accept that the year was a total failure. There were lessons learnt. What then are the lessons?

I learnt that people most times need to be pushed to do their job. I learnt that, workers hush their problems a lot and find it hard to share. I learnt that, you need to monitor projects and demand accountability. I learnt that, you have to test work ethics, even if they 'contractors' are termed professionals before you commit to them. I learnt that a proper contract must define proper plans for execution, fines for breaching contract in any guise, and reward for excellence. I learnt that, friendship doesn't always translate to trust and honesty in business. I learnt that the ultimate lesson is me accepting my own fault in the failure and making certain it never happens again. I learnt that you can start again.

So, like everyone else, I am scared of trying again, I am terrified of giving this one more shot, I am so ashamed to admit I don't even want to look back at this mis-step. But you see, some dreams are way bigger than our fears, and our passion larger than our failures. So, I am giving it a shot again. I am re-strategizing, and I am conquering the coming year, and you are welcome to join me in this redefinition party, because you too can redefine your failure rather than let it redefine you..

Here's to redefining our failures.

I AM NOT A WRITER

Here is the thing, I’m not a writer. But, you see, the one thing that has not increased in the market yet is the cost of data. It means, gossip is cheaper to get than buying a module of Garri in the market. Don't ask me how.  I just know i can do a billion and one thing just with my data. I can watsapp one Uncle John to raise me small change for lunch and still find time to read what twitter overlords think of "I am for everybody, I belong to no one".  How can you ask my opinion on plagiarism, when the handouts I buy in school doesn't reference any source. My dear, I don't know how that plagiarism thing works too. But i can tell you how i follow some people on twitter who manage to convince me that voting a particular party in the past means I know what's-up and are quick to condemn anyone who outlines the ill of the policies that are hurting the common man. well, you can say I'm not common, after all, i can still afford data to tweet.  don't be vex

Oh, Data feel like the cheapest gift for recession, considering that no one wants to go on a date no more, but we can have virtual sex. don't look at me like that. If we have to go out, it means burning fuel, say you have a movie date, you pay for the tickets, then you buy pop corn and soda, oh, let's say the chic is nice you spend cash just like that. if she were to be a little mean, you will have to worry about take away packs and a little something for her friends or siblings. so you see, Data makes sex easy, cheaper and accessible. that my dear is the awoof from data.

Among the many cheap things my Data can afford me is LIB. you see, you want to stay in touch with your youthful self, one has to keep up with trend and happenings among celebrity because we all aspire to be one someday. though a few will become it by being twitter overlord, while some will get there by being anti-GEJ or pro whatever, a few of us.. well, we just get there by wishing it. so, since we can't pay for DSTV subscription to keep up with the Kardashians, we will follow LIB to know who broke up with who, and who wore what, so when we talk about those fashion and divorce stories with our friends, we will sound posh and well informed, they will think Khloe is our personal friend from the gist we share. never minding that some of us have never seen the interior of a plane before. my dear, its cheap to own a data,data makes you sound intelligent. yes, our young ones don't want to know who won the Cowbellpeadia,, oh, that's so boring. we want to know, who the judge on project fame is, how many people made it to the finals of THE VIOCE, haaa. its not like the Nigerian economy is not bad, its just that you have to know these things, how else can you talk about change, if you don't tune in to Channels once a while and listen to more insult form the spokes person of each party? data is affordable, if you don't see it on channels, just follow the thread on twitter, there will be a hash tag to let you know what burning issue is up, from reading the long thread you can give yourself an ankle sprain by jumping into conclusion. Never minding that these people you defend, don't even care you exist. It’s alright, data price is still constant, cos’ you can avoid going to church on Sunday, twitter ministries is functioning perfectly, you can know the sermon of the day by checking one of your Church member's tweet, if you want a fresh anointing, just follow any of the twitter end time church, they will give a fresh wisdom, that will make this recession feel like a joke. they will speak to your week, command your day and bring forth your month unto greatness. Sunday worship on twitter has never been better. forget that you were in the club all through Saturday night, don't get ticked that, the girl you shagged last night if your fiancée’s sister, a fresh anointing from the tweet has a way of making twitter worship holy. my dear, DATA is still cheap. how else could you have been able to save you offering and transportation fare if twitter doesn't give you a chance to cheaper worship.

my data also affords me a chance to see things i would normally not here or know about, like this competition I’m applying for. i get a chance to write, at least it relieves me of the many worries of Nigeria economic recession and whores. i just type away, talk about politician, curse out rapist and even join any hash tag i may or may not understand. no complaint there. I am not a writer.

RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW

I expect nothing short of excellence from myself daily.
Tomorrow was a today, delayed yesterday. 

There was a yesterday when all we thought of was what we will become tomorrow, how we will buy ourselves the finest of cars, further our education, be a better us and all. Yet we all live in a today and never do anything to fulfil the promises we made yesterday.

So here is the catch, you are here now. you have a today, use it. We have no control over tomorrow, don't sweat it. You probably think you need a pay raise before you can start saving or investing, there is no such thing as a raise to save. It's a habit you have  to cultivate, you must culture your mind to do them with what you already earn. If you have not started, even with the pay raise, it will still be hard to save or invest.

Mostimes, lack of discipline makes one spend more even with the pay raise. so start here, right now. for all the times you dreams, have an actionable plan, start with what you have, be who you have always dreamt of today. Take step that leads you closer to your goals, stop waiting for a tomorrow, start you tomorrow today. make everything you do today geared towards your tomorrow

Tomorrow only comes, when we start doing today. if you want to be the greatest dad, mum or best actor, writer, inventor or any great somebody tomorrow, you have to start right here, right now.

CHURCH THERAPY

welcome to the spiritual asylum

where healing sells for all ailment
treatable or not
where annoiting oil are purchased to cleanse the husband of promiscuity and prevent the wife from going insane due to her husband's cheating and lying lifestyle. This special shelter where holy water cures you of all diseases, mental, social and veneral diseases.

This one shop where the cassock guy is the psychologist who knows to councel for turbulent marriage, even though he has never been engaged and his vows might never let him, yet, if he where, his, is a cosmetic marital bliss that must perform for the camera,  match make for ageing spinters, not forgetting to give birth plan for women termed barren, since fertilty doctors never have the solution to your being unproductive.

Is it the white handkerchief that has refused to make that sickle cell child  genotype become an AA? Why does this therapy alleviate the suffering of the politicians, inflate the ego of the nouveaux rich whose source of wealth is corruption, yet the poors tithe and offering maketh only the man of God wealthier?

Oh, maybe the sessions during weekday service,proscribed a certain treatment, fasting and seeding, and you were too weak to foĺlow through. since ulcer has never been nice to you. and your meagre salary has so many mouths to cater to, that's why you are still in the rat race Bro. Less i forget, that special pamphlet you bought, which was blessed by the man of God, will finally make your aged mother confess how she nailed your destiny to the coffin, it doesn't matter that been senile could be signs of Alzheimer, dementia or other ageing related ailment. Nah, it must be God punishing her for tying your wife's womb and locking your sister forever in spinterhood, but it's ok. She will eventually get tired of the verbal abuse and confess, so she can have her peace. Better still, she will die for your destiny to ressurect, that is what mothers do for their children.

Let me not spoil the fun. there was testimony of how sister Nkechi survived A motor accident from our blood sucking demons on our nicely tarred highway. She left out the part where the driver was drunk before the journey began, she didn't tell you also, how no one complained about the overloaded vehicle, since it's a normal occurance in Nigeira. How about the road safety agents they gave N200 on the road so they can pass without much fuss? And our ready and equiped emergency medical response team who where there to save other accident victim.you know those i mean. the ones who search the pockets of dying victims for fast cash,those medical guy that move already broken bones about, trying to get you out of the car thereby fracturing your already broken rib and spine the more, after all they are sympatisers, lack of first aid knowledge should not be a deterrant. Common,your pastor's prayer delivered you from occult spirit occupying the road. since pot holes are nice to our new cars, been a tokunbo doesn't reduce its efficiency. And hey! all those contracts awarded to fix the road,create more lanes wouldn't have solved or reduced road accidents, neither will drivers going to a training school help, after all, all those diverted fund will pay some tithes and seed or mortgage a contractor's own death through the all powerful prayers of the prophet. It was just all the miracle in your pastor's prayer.

 Let me add, your unintelligent children need divine help, not more quality study time. No please, take them to the mountain where special prayers treat their depression. If someone ever suggest you meet an academic counselor to guide them in career choice or help monitor why they bahave the way they do, attribute it to your enemies of progress. I am not saying bullying in schools are not real, as a matter of fact it's not possbile that teenage complex could be a thing she is dealing with, How can it be? When your enemies can fall down and die, never to find that child acting out abnormally again. If she as much as score a D in her exam. you must intensify the vigil, you don't need to find reasonale solutuions, be it increasing your study time, paying attention to their emotional needs and helping them find other source of knowledge they enjoy. Your God must deliver you, so, your Bishop therapist has procliamed from the alter.

Let's tone it down a bit. When was the last time you exercised? Haaa! "daily nah" you do it singing and dancing, jumping and screaming while praying and praising. Was that not part of the therapy the doctor pastor recommended? It's fine even if the noise keeps other neighbors awake, you need to send evil spirit in your neighborhood parking. If peace cost them their health, that is how you know witches, they must move out to a more serene environment for you.  If they suffer from insomnia, it is more because marine spirit disturb their nights, your prayers and loud music doesn't aggravate it, it only expose their nocturnal activities. Oh I'm not suggesting your worship centers be sound proof and your theatrics be contained. No, please your God is deaf and very much blind, that he can't hear or see this drama unless it's loud enough. While there be hospitals around you and schools where students need to concentrate and sick folks get a quiet space, make your mid day service louder and your megaphone bigger. You are doing us all a favour by seeking your God at his productive hour on everyone else's behalf.  Praying off their sicknesses and unsettling the students ignorace is how great nations are built.

Let me not belabor you with my not so intelligent rambling. you see, whatever your daddy G.O has said has the ultimate say. Any other rational and logical solution will be a "touch not my annointed" matter.
while we finally wait for the church goers to take on our pbulic offices, because the ones there right now are atheist, ( that's why Nigeria is not progressing) to change our messed up institutions, revamp our ailing economy. let me and i'm not so sure wannabe atheist go and find a bible believing church to heal me of my NCD (Not Church Disorder) pshycho
someone recommend a God of man. because I can't afford the cost of a man of God.