Dead Silent

It's dead silent here
I listened for the humming of the birds,
It was no where.
I longed for the chirping of the cricket, but they were long gone.
I could sing my own song,
But there would be no melody.
Write my own dirge,
But no one would cry.

The dead, are awake in a land others dread,
Yet, we wish they can tell us how to feel better here
It's the time that doesn't exist we seek.
Maybe, it's the tomorrow we don't know we want.
We could beg for the yonder to come, but we will never know we live in it.

My pain says, I'm still here.
Their stares tell me, I'm lonely still.
Not for another to cheer my mood,
Not for a voice to echo my wish.
But, from distance their eyes tell,
From pain, their silence thunder.

I could radio my heart beat.
I could sing me a lasting lullaby,
But, I know my dreams have become calmer than my waking.
So, I'm learning to live my misery, teaching me to accompany me.

If my quiet echoes noise
if my voice whisper fear
and my calm screams worry
don't fix this one, let it my teacher be
I'm embracing the pain for gain
accepting the shame as well.
the stops, loss and horror 
Is all I bear to win.